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The Tale of Chef Scooty

from Raccoon Pit by Raccoon Pit

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lyrics

Everybody sit the fuck down, and listen to me
gonna tell ya the tale of Chef Scooty

He could whip up a meal that would make your taste buds dance
or paint you a picture so damn beautiful you'd cry and shit your pants
an old punk rocker who loves comic books and horror movies
you can find him in the back of the show just nodding approvingly

one place we worked together was like a black hole
please don't sue me for slander (redacted)
the owner was a drunk and the bartender was a creep
but drinks were half price for workers in this spiritual toilet bowl
so after closing down the kitchen that's where everyone would reconvene

one night Chef Scooty was at the bar
with a comic book and a PBR
when in walked, Dickhead Fuckface McGee
Now Dickhead was over his limit at that point
but it didn't matter in this particular joint
as he stumbled his way on over to Chef Scooty

He asked the chef for a cigarette,
to which he replied,"I only got one left,
but I'm sure if you ask the bar they'll do you right"
Dickhead didn't like the response he got
so with a burp and without a second thought,
he asked Scooty if he wanted to step outside

Chef Scooty was not a violent man
so he blew Dickhead off without a second glance
grabbed his coat and stepped out to have his last smoke
but dickhead didn't take well to being ignored,
so he flipped a bird and said "up yours!"
and followed Scooty out, ready to go

So there they were, Chef Scooty just trying to enjoy a quiet night after work and Dickhead in a drunken rage over nothing.

No sooner did Scooty get a light
than did Dickhead square up for a fight
"alright fine!" he said,"first hit's all you."
Dickhead threw his best uppercut
but it landed short, hit Scooty's gut
and he realized he was now covered in Scooty's puke!

Filled with horror, shock and woe
Dickhead sprinted his way home
all Scooty said was,
"eh. what are ya gonna do?"

credits

from Raccoon Pit, released June 4, 2021

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Raccoon Pit Fort Collins, Colorado

CO Punk Rock!

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